My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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