After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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