my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
