the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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