are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
