I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
