It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
