My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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