I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
