There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
