bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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