Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
two words: eviction party
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
