Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
