Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
