Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
