u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
