I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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