FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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