4 words: hood of his car
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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