I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
