Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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