I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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