i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
