i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
