I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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