Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
