his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
