Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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