I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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