Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
