We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
