Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
