I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
