I met the friendliest cop last night
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize