: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize