Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
