I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
