Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
