I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
