ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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