Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
