You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
