Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you never un-have a 4some
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
