Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
