so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
