My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
