you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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