wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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