Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
