I saw his package. It spoke to me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
