I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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