Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
