I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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