you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
