That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
