My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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