she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
