it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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