You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
