I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
