the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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