Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
