I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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