My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
