I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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