I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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