You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize