Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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