i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
