i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM