the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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