Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight

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(818): I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight http://tfl.nu/79dr

Replies (1) Good night (599) Bad night (1783)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us

(205): View more from Alabama

that didnt stop you

(252): View more from North Carolina

nope

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(252): so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us (205): that didnt stop you (252): nope http://tfl.nu/4max

Replies (20) Good night (4846) Bad night (577)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined

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(301): I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined http://tfl.nu/iip9

Replies (19) Good night (890) Bad night (3137)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"

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(402): They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman" http://tfl.nu/zber

Replies (36) Good night (3742) Bad night (843)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON

(651): View more from Minnesota

clearly you have your priorities straight

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(612): just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON (651): clearly you have your priorities straight http://tfl.nu/87z9

Replies (68) Good night (4549) Bad night (1229)
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(703): View more from Virginia

At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.

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(703): At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/dkbw

Replies (24) Good night (1531) Bad night (3003)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.

(715): View more from Wisconsin

okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.

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(262): i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching. (715): okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference. http://tfl.nu/rrjb

Replies (11) Good night (4222) Bad night (997)
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(562): View more from California

The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.

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(562): The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night. http://tfl.nu/3w1s

Replies (4) Good night (913) Bad night (760)
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(+64): View more from New Zealand

The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.

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(+64): The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care. http://tfl.nu/n9x9

Replies (2) Good night (1508) Bad night (583)
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(302): View more from Delaware

She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.

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(302): She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before. http://tfl.nu/kra3

Replies (11) Good night (3690) Bad night (605)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick

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(540): I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick http://tfl.nu/eynw

Replies (3) Good night (869) Bad night (440)
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(530): View more from California

Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.

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(530): Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life. http://tfl.nu/z2vn

Replies (6) Good night (1852) Bad night (572)
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(813): View more from Florida

Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?

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(813): Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating? http://tfl.nu/e7er

Replies (2) Good night (501) Bad night (269)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"

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(480): Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!" http://tfl.nu/823i

Replies (0) Good night (378) Bad night (199)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT

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(303): Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT http://tfl.nu/q2ya

Replies (1) Good night (789) Bad night (194)

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