Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you are never too drunk for berry picking
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I still have a little drunk in my system