Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
