i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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