I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
...so i touched it.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."