she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.