Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
