I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
