The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
