What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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